Me. My mum had a daughter few years before she had me but they both got sick (T was born without a heart valve) and were at separate hospitals pretty soon after the birth. On top of that .. well it was pretty inevitable that my sister would die (they didn't have the technology to operate on a baby back in Bangladesh) and she did 6 days after birth .. and so mum never bonded with her (dad did). After me, my mum was pregnant again but my gran was really ill and dying at the time so I guess she didn't really check herself out and since she got ill (flu or somethin?), my dad (who is not a doctor .. just Asian with access to drugs) put her on a course of strong antibiotics, she had a miscarriage (my gran had died by then and my mum had to have an operation and had a near death experience). On top of that, when I was born, I got really sick with pneumonia and was at the hospital for ages and frequently as I grew older.

So, conclusions:

1. My family sucks at production. In fact, I just thought about it and kind of freaked out (I'm an ego-prat) at having the same manufacturing defect and having my production line come to an halt :O

2. There must be some cut cutting death transportation system that has people dying in multiples (my grandad died, followed by my granmum a few months later, followed by my uncle and almost my mum; second cycle had my grand-aunt, followed by my grand-uncle .. okay they were both 100+ but still, followed by my other grandad and almost another grand-aunt).

3. Growing up as an only child and a girl + my deadly background, my parents have been super-protective to an extent where now as an adult, I'm a medical pussy (anxiety disorder). They completely freak out about me going anywhere on my own .. and even if they were to allow it, I completely freak out and end up not going anyway.


Bottom line: my close friend is getting married in April in Nigeria and I really really REALLY want to go .. I mean, she's even reserved a room for me in her house and arranged for me to take the same flight as her family (she's already there, her brothers and sisters haven't left London yet). I want to go SO bad, but I know I probably can't (for reasons detailed above) and it just really sucks :( and whats worse is that (being an Asian economist and a pussy) even if they were to let me go, I'm getting all ummm about going to Nigeria on my own (okay not really, if I go with her family) and spending £600+ for flights to stay less than a week :/ Oh and I've got class and exams as well!

Ughhh //frustration. 

⇢ You're stuck in a little cage. You have legs to run, fingers with which to touch, eyes with which to see. And yet you sit in your cage, and see everything cautiously.

Step out the cage and see what lies beyond.

You should really go (wo)man. It'll be an adventure.

:)

⇢ I really want to man :( but life is bare hard as a female / Asian / Muslim / poor / coward ://

⇢ A lot of those things are just labels. Peel 'em off and stick new ones on init.