lil-bee: the randomizer

Recycled Email Update
Wednesday, February 13, 2013 | 10:26 pm | Comment ⇢

Ignoring the last nerd-excitement post, I haven't really updated ya'll in a while. And since I plan to be productively busy inshAllah till the end of my dissertation and/or exams, I thought I'd do a quick update post about life. But since I don't really have time to do a fresh update post (I used up my break time writing up the previous post), I thought I'd recycle this email I sent to a friend recently. 

I don't know what you last know, but basically I got sick with a severe case of flu around 4 weeks ago? Some nasty virus that made my entire family really ill. It stayed with me for around week and half, almost two weeks around when I got a really bad tonsil infection. Proper killed my voice (its still broken now), inflammed my lymph nodes and put me on some weird coughing fit that still hasnt gone away :/ well, at least I sound sexy :P

On the other hand, my migraine medication was making me really tired, insomniatic and depressed. So I made an appointment with my doc but the new medicine she gave me, I reaaaaally didnt want to go on (I still don't). She told me to slowly get off propranolol before taking topiramate but because of the cold, I was off propranolol for a while anyway & on cold meds so I decided to stay off for a while. By the time I decided I was going to try and manage without meds, noticed my migraines went down. I still get them but they aren't as bad as before, nothing some naproxen & sumatriptan can't help. I need to be careful not to overdo it tho because I don't want rebound migraines to come bite me in the arse.

Meanwhile my cousin got married to his love, a Taiwanese chick :) it was an awesome wedding, they are having a ceremony in Taiwan in Sept so iA i can make it (if I finish my dissertation before hand) :) the wedding stuff was fun, except I ran into the guy I really want to marry who doesnt want to marry me because he doesn't know me and probably thinks I am an over religious no fun hijabi. *sob* My good friend went to Umrah, and on her last day, I told her to pray that I marry him so fingers crossed tho haha. Make dua as well lol.

Oh, I also reunited with a really close close friend with whom I kind of lost touch / we got a bit distant in the last year but Alhamdullilah we got close again :) also found out some shocking truth about a person through her which really disappointed me but I guess its good as its making me more careful in trusting people. I really did see the best in him but I guess you can't / shouldn't view everyone through Islamic spectacles and assume they will be good :/

Few days ago my cousin had a baby and he was so happy since he finally brought her home / put pictures up on FB, etc. He was online and after chatting for a while, he went to sleep. Next day he was found dead & rigidity suggests he died soon after going offline. When I found out it really shocked me to my core. Its these things make you remember who our Lord is & just how small, short and fragile life is. Really sad for the baby but at the same time so thankful that Allah has blessed me with parents & a life with every moment an opportunity to repent & better myself. Because of that & my recent brush with the mole, I've begun to become aware of my spirit again, somthing that was up up year before last but sadly got dunya-ed in the last year. Just makes you appreciate life & stop all the petty dunya-ness. Been listening to some great lecture podcasts on my way to uni so feeling hopeful about change iA :) its strange, when I think about him I end up going into crying fits, probably because it makes me think about losing my own dad, which isn't really helpful in the long run. I guess I can't fully process it yet, so I've acknowledged it and decided to file it away and instead try and appreciate every minute but also strive for change and live a life I can face my Lord with on the Day of Judgement.

In school though, I'm repeating past mistakes and not doing work in time. I just can't concentrate. Will need to go see that learning advisor soon. I made a routine tho, that dictates every minute of every day, from when to wake up to when to pee & study. Its not too late so inshAllah I will follow it and get my act together for my parents. I followed it last week Monday & Friday and had such great days. My no meds decision has also flipped my mood back to how I was before and now people think I'm so happy I must be high / on some kind of drugs. The irony eh lol.

Well thats it I guess :) going to go running on the treadmill, inshAllah back to fitness for the boy I want & for health in general. Also planning on Umrah inshAllah so prep time starts now :)

Make dua for me please :) and as always, you & family are in mine :)

Ciao for now! xo

Nerd Excitement
| 10:05 pm | Comment ⇢
I love to bitch about my self inflicted (well .. due to self family) academic torture because the truth is, I am lazy and I hate courseworks with a passion.

But I love knowledge. I think its really unfortunate that the pressures put on us through assessments has (at least for me) taken from the joy of learning :(

So I huff and puff and declare this to be the life I never wanted. And then I get to do 'casual' reading of different aspects in development, like I am doing now for my dissertation, and I get so excited its kind of lame (or super awesome if you're into that kind of thing). Like there's so much I want to do and different directions I want to take my paper, but I'm limited to 10,000 words and have to concentrate and cut down to just some specific areas. At times like these, when I'm feeling really passionate about the issues I want to research on, I feel like I need a PhD to have space to do and write up my research.

And then I get to the actual doing of the work. The deadlines and the assessments and the grading and the criticizing. At times like these (which are more common than the excited-nerd times), I just want to throw all the paper up in the air and say a big fuck you to my degree and just walk away. I wish the system in the UK was like that of America, where you can take a course per term/semester/whatever and like do your degree in 10 years or something. I'd probably hate myself a bit by the end of it .. but at least I'd enjoy the learning without being rushed.

Anyway so that was my 10 minutes of break and now I'm going back to reading. Thought I'd share this excerpt though .. because I'm in that kind of nerdy mood and thought this was powerful, true .. and a bit sad:

‘A proletariat without factories, workshop
and work, and without bosses, in the
muddle of the odd jobs, drowning in
survival and leading an existence like a
path through embers’ (Patrick Chamoiseau) 

Adieu. (because obviously all academic-nerds speak French, eat cheese and drink wine :P man, what a douchy bunch ha!)

This is why I love my uni :')
Sunday, February 10, 2013 | 2:24 am | Comment ⇢

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