Like don't get me wrong, I have full fledged episodes right where I'm like FUUU and screaming and punching walls and throwing shit around (I swear I think I broke my pinkie finger) but I hate being angry in public because I always always end up crying. Like every hour of being angry equates to like two hours of crying or something. Sometimes its pretty simultaneous where I'm angry and crying at the same time .. but mostly its like after the crazed rage is over, I'm sitting there crying like a fool.
And in both instances, its so bloody frustrating. Its like what the hell man, why am I crying? When I usually cry right after being angry, I get even more angry at myself .. but its pretty comical (I would assume, I rarely do public emotional outbursts) to look at because I'm like crying and shouting at myself in the mirror "why are you crying you stupid idiot?! BE ANGRY, BE ANGRY!" .. its just so ugh.
Thinking of the thought process, I guess I just start feeling guilty for being angry and doing what I did, but its frustrating because no, I'm not sorry I'm angry, so what the hell?
Apparently this is an issue faced by a lot of women (as shown by a survey taken of around 500 with I think 300 or so saying they do cry when they get mad all the time, around 50 said this doesn't happen to them ever, 15 said they used it but now stopped with the rest saying it happened sometimes). So why is this?
Have we perhaps been socialised into gender roles that tell us that women shouldn't be angry while crying is seen as more acceptable (and so we end up subconsciously crying instead of being able to be angry)? Perhaps we feel guilty because we are preconditioned to think we don't have a right to be angry, despite the years of gender equality? Or perhaps its pure science and chemicals in our brains and bodies making us act up?
Apparently anger creates the stress hormone, cortisol. The more angry we get, the more cortisol is produced. Back in the days of fight or flight, I guess people had a way of getting the anger out (in a satisfying violent way, not a pansy pushing it down by breathing way) but society today is different (ABH/GBH charges anyone??). When we get angry, we don't often find the outlets we need to release it and this causes a build up of cortisol.
Tears of emotion apparently contain protein and stress hormones and have a different build than tears of irritation. So it makes sense, biologically, that when we get very angry (as I always do), our body uses tears as an outlet to de-stress and flush out the hormone. On top of this, tears are made up of the hormone prolactin and while present in both males and females in equal parts before adolescence, by the time we're 18, females have 60% more of this hormone than males. Go figure.
Well at least now I know I don't have bipolar disorder (... or maybe I do?!) ... just some hormonal imbalances and anger management issues haha :P
But while all that sciency woohah gives some sort of explanation for the tears, doesn't make it less frustrating or overwhelming when I cry! But I guess its a good thing .. and being an unemotional ice queen (apparently .. but my dad being an emotional drama queen will obviously think I'm cold comparatively!), I guess I need to take these opportunities to let it all out!
Besides, its been a stressful week (oh the perils of postgraduate studies and academic debates with naive pro-orthodox fools) and I'm due my leech out!
⇢ Bee, I think you're just getting to the realisation that...you ARE a woman. All that weird stuff is woman-normal. Took me years to realise.
⇢ No I'm not :( stoppit you! I wasn't like this before .. and so I have hope that I can do some reverse engineering and go back to being normal again!
Calm down Bee. You're not a weirdo, you're a cosmic syncopation. And I like you. :)
I believe this was the 'scientific post' you were refering to.
If I am perfectly honest with you I have never heard of any of those before, and as you didn't create a bibliography, one cannot see your literature research (as if you'd do it anyway). Nonetheless, whether true or not, it seems to make sense! And puts across a pertinent point.
I agree with the commenter above me; they say the truth is always bitter to face.