lil-bee: the randomizer

Random Tidbit #3
Monday, August 29, 2011 | 4:16 pm | Comment ⇢
Disclaimer: Contains bits about lady businesses .. you have been warned.

Once upon a time, there was a little girl who was still a little girl with clean underpants. Little girl was all alone without blood (siblings) and recently moved to a place with a hush gush culture. Hush because that was what some things, such as anything relating to IT, induced, and gush because that was what other things, like whose daughter did what and with whom, induced. Either way, little girl was all alone and void of knowledge about certain things such as IT.

The little girl was a little weak and often endured headaches and stomach aches. After a long day of trekking in the dessert heat and getting drenched in despair (also known as air tears i.e humidity), she once again came home clutching at her head and stomach.

She remembers jumping into the cool paradise that was her shower, and she remembers sitting under the fan on her mother's bed, the somewhat bearable air creating a cool sensation on her wet hair and face. It was a glorious feeling, her entire head drenched wet, the coolness fighting against the heat radiating from her headache. The fight amused her, and the few times the cool won, it appeased and calmed her but the heat ache was persistent and so she grabbed some Asian Vicks and rubbed it on her forehead and temples. Cool menthol. Always wins.

The feeling was short lived however, as her mother stomped into the room and quickly turned the fan off, screaming at the little girl and asking her if she wanted to get pneumonia again. Typical lecture, typicaaaal. But than it flipped, and took a turn that haunted every path little girl took in awareness and in her dreams. Her mother seriously sat her down and talked about birds and bees. Well, not quite birds AND bees. But just birds - verrry briefly about birds, that left little girl more in the dark than in the light.

Little girl got scared. Very scared. Scared and confused. She did not want to pee blood. And so she stopped peeing all together. And while she learned many variations of the jumpupanddowntostopurgetopee dance, her mother would simply not allow it, and she explained away the bit about the birds, telling her not to worry about it and so it left the little girl's paths and she was peeing happily ever after.

Till The Day. The Day came quite a few years away at a time when little girl was all alone with her Pokemon while the parental unit were MIA. Well, little girl's mother was away from the city on a consultancy trip while her father was at work doing what people at work do.

Little girl was happily minding her business when she went to relief herself and found drops of diluted blood on the toilet seat. They had one of those cool toilet seats, something eerily similar to this, and in a panic, little girl consoled herself that it was an optical illusion, quickly did her wudu and go on the prayer mat, huffing and puffing and crying to Allah to not make her pee blood.

Ah so much panic, so little understanding. After many hysterical calls to a very amused mother with a sadistic sense of humour, she was finally attended to and instructed about what to do and what not; about 4 or so hours since The Day started.

Little girl had had enough Red Sea adventures and she never wanted a repeat performance. But eh, if only we got what we wanted, or didn't get what we didn't want. Life would be tres simple for little girl, but unfortunately this was not so.

Few cycles after The Day, little girl was nonchalantly chatting away with her good friend during the two hour long games lesson. Now a little bit of background to little girl's school: uniform, frenemies and the lesson in question. Little girl went to an International School when she moved was ambushed into the Third World because it had followed the same curriculum as her school back in The States.
As the case with all fresh meat, little girl was targeted due to her linguistic disability in Bengali awesomeness which the Third World Hounds (henceforth TWH) misconstrued as show off arrogance, causing many issues between them and little girl (more on this on later instalments of lil-bee's RT#s .. maybe). Thankfully they went their separate ways during lessons, except for this particular games lesson, which had to be merged with all the sections due to some administrative laziness error.
The usual case was such that the boys left the main campus to go to their sports fields while the girls played on the on site sports field inside the campus. But this particular day, the boys stayed in campus and took over the sport facilities while the girls sat around gossiping in their usual school uniform (you really need this visual right here, sorry about the shit edit attempt at hiding their faces lol) instead of the sports wear. Yup .. bright white.

Fast forward to little girl nonchalantly chatting away to her friend for two hours with the other girls sitting around them and the boys playing on the field. When the lesson was finally over, little girl went to get up when she was sharply pulled back down by her friend. She exclaimed that there was a gigantic red blood mark on the back of little girl's bright white uniform and so obviously she couldn't get up while the TWHs were mucking about .. especially since it involved the HUSH HUSH red stain of doom :O Some other girls spoke up in concern and urged little girl to stay put till TWHs' departure. While little girl started hyperventilating and imagining the massive black hole opening up on her back, the TWHs, being Hounds, sniffed that something was up and refused to leave, circling the girls instead.

Little girl doesn't quite remember how long she was sat there, but she knows for sure that it was a good amount of time. Eventually however, one of the female PE teachers decided to see what the crowd gathering was about and upon finding out the root cause of the situation, she came up with a plan. She made the girls (a good 12 or so of them) form a circle of barrier around little girl and her trusted friend to restrict the view of the shameless TWHs who were still encircling them, trying to get in a peek or two. After this protection was formed, little girl stood up and with the help of her trusted friend, wore her backpack reaaaaally low and sort of slouch walked like a gangster to the nearest girl's toilets .. while her entourage of protection moved along with her for a while.

The walk of shame took around 10 minutes, instead of the 3 it should have taken, because little girl was sliding along like a snail to avoid exposure. When she finally arrived at safe havens, it turned out that the mahussive black hole disaster everyone exclaimed at wasn't even THAT big. Okay, okay, it was still pretty big, and little girl was wearing bright white. In the end, she was persuaded to wash off her marks, which she cleverly proceeded to do by rinsing out her entire two piece uniform while she stood in her undershorts and undervest while her trusted friend went to get a school maid.

This story concludes with helpers coming in and finding little girl stark naked (pretty much) with her uniform drenched in the water filled sink in front of her, desperately trying to get rid of her black hole of doom using hand wash. This of course was less useful (completely utterly useless) than she had envisioned and she got lectured by the helper who finally agreed to try and dry little girl's now ruined uniform. Cloth-less, she had to spend the whole school day in the toilet, missing her favourite school lunch and getting a reputation (and a somewhat respect) from the TWHs as the new class rebel / truant.

The End.

[This is a scheduled post].

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