Saturday, August 13, 2011 | 3:30 pm | Comment ⇢Everyone has one. Well .. to a certain extent.
I recently caught up with a friend who was telling me about an incident where she came face to face with her husband's ex. Talk about awkwarrrd. Now, me being my usual self, tried to pry without prying .. and I made a joke about how she must have unleashed her deadly nails (she has lovely nails mashAllah) on this chick and scratched her up, pulled her hair, etc. To which she replied that the chick's hijaab was in the way so she couldn't get a good hold lol.
Meeting your current partner's ex is always a bit awkward .. but this was slightly more intense (ish) so let me elaborate: this was not just any ex, it was someone her husband almost married. Well, she wasn't really an ex .. the husband is a very pious man Alhamdullilah and has never been in any sort of relationship. This chick was just a prospective .. but she was a very close prospective, and the brother had developed feelings for her while getting to know her. Someone he pictured his future with, directed his life movie with her in the lead, etc, etc.
So how does my friend know all this? You see, she's been good friends with her husband's younger sister for a while; family friends / best friends, etc. And while this whole prospective business was going down, she got bits and bobs from her friend (now sis-in-law) [OT but this is exactly why people need to keep shut about each other's business lol] who obviously did not even imagine my friend as a future prospective / bride for her brother [Allah's plan pwns]. Anyway, she didn't pay much attention to the chick, but when they had the faceoff (accidental encounter), all these thoughts rushed into her head.
My friend, the rational, logical, calm wife had turned into a quivering idiot. Okay, that was really harsh .. but lets just say she became opposite of who she really is. Oppo (lets call her that) knew that her husband loved her dearly, but she still couldn't stop all the irrationalities from eating her alive. She was a woman, a wife, a lover .. she was all those things, but she was hurt. A hurting woman, a hurting wife and a hurting lover.
This whole situation just made me think about people's pasts and how they play into people's futures. It wasn't in Hoppy's (Oppo's Hubby .. ahaha, aren't I creative?) nature to develop feelings for people; Oppo knew that Hoppy (gosh these names make this whole piece sound comical but this is actually a very serious issue that I'm tackling here so ..) met many prospectives, some moving further than others. But with the chick, after it had failed, he took a long long time to recover. He had to get over it, which suggests that there was something, something substantial that he struggled to get over.
As I mentioned starting off .. everyone has a past (or pasts) .. but not all the pasts have an equal effect on us. And the ones that DO have an effect on us, might end up affecting them (people we end up with) too. But I feel like its more of a problem being faced by women than men. Perhaps its because unlike women, men don't easily get attached so understandable, when they do get attached, its assumed to be a more serious matter. Perhaps its because men are
I was thinking about all these match fixings (marriages, not cricket o.O) and wondered if my past (though its clean and clear and minor) would affect mister-bee (my future hubby) as much as his past would affect me :/ as fickle as I am (teehee), I'd dismiss my 'past'. On the other hand, I'd assume that guys don't get attached as easily / quickly so if mr-b did develop feelings for someone in his past, obviously I'd reach the conclusion that it must have been some serious feelings and tings, and get all worried.
What do you guys think? Man, it makes sense why Islam tells us to stay away from the opposite sex (whatever leads to haram is haram in itself).
When I think about my past I feel regret, shame, annoyance, a stab of loneliness. I wish I had a eraser for my past. Or a tub of paint to splash over it. Its not too bad Alhamdullilah, but its still there and I wish it wasn't. I guess the people most affected by pasts are the people who the pasts belong to. But I think that would bother me, not knowing how much mr-b's past has/is affecting him. Maybe its best to not know about possible pasts .. but than I'd go crazy wondering if he had one. Bleh .. so much complications :/
But even if I had avoided getting involved (ish) with my past, it can creep up on you. Take Hoppy for example, always stayed away from women .. but still got banged up by the past in terms of the chick. As always, everything happens for a reason I suppose. Without the past, I would have missed out on a lot of lessons learned.
I guess, in the end, you can only hope, and hope. And believe. Only the best for you will happen. Even if you conceive it to not be the best. We don't know, but Allah knows.
As for Oppo and Hoppy (lols), after the initial oppo-flip, she's back to her usual self (slowly but surely). She trusts him, trusts in his love. Trusts in Allah. And trusts that whatever pasts he had, can't be outweighed by the future of THEM. The future they can see in front of them, the future they are holding in their arms. The future she has grown for 9 months, and continues to raise .. for the last 14 months and into the distant future :)