Monday, May 30, 2011 | 5:30 pm | Comment ⇢My friend is sort of really pissing me off. I'd like to think that I'm a nice person, who is there for other people. But this dude, well we were speaking like normal, except I guess he got more comfortable with me in the last few months, and we speak more. A lot of the time, he bitches about his girlfriend. Not in a oh she's ugly and/or fat way, but in a we're not happy with each other, we hate each other, she makes me sad, don't let her find out we speak sort of way ..
And first of all, WTH?! Okay am I wrong to think that he is totally dragging me into somewhere I clearly don't belong in? I think he's being kind of selfish by putting my in an awkward position.
Okay, so I don't know his girlfriend but all this time, from what I've heard about her from him, he's painted a very negative picture of her. And I was on his side (sort of) at the start. I mean I always said to be open to her, and if both of them are unhappy than just to break things off .. and he told me they both need each other financially, etc. I tried not have an opinion about her, because of course I'm only getting one side of the story. But nevertheless, I didn't think of her too kindly, but moreover I was getting annoyed at my friend for going through this shit, when they should just go their separate ways if things are so bad.
I also told him that I'm here for him, but that I really shouldn't get involved in between them. I also asked him why he wanted to hide our friendship from her, because from my point of view, we weren't really doing anything wrong. But I guess by speaking about his relationship with someone other than his girlfriend, he was bringing a third person in, and he was cheating his trust by telling me things. Things he needed to discuss with her.
He made it out that she was the typical jealous girlfriend, who didn't see anything wrong with having close male friends that she went out with, but would get psycho if he had any female friends. I think thats pretty hypocritical. But right now, I just feel like, two wrongs don't make a right. If she is being that way (and I don't really have a way to confirm this), that does not mean that he should go around doing the same things. Because what is the difference between them?
While this was going on, he would continue to flirt with me. Now like I said, I just have a jokey nature, which I recently found out I inherited from my dad. Its just how we communicate. Yes, it means people misunderstand us. But really, once you know us, you should know how we interact with people, and not read into it. I've been completely open about who I am (anti-relationship, etc) and when he'd go over the line, I'd always tell him to back off. Not in a hostile way, but in a joking way, because I didn't want to make mountains out of molehills or make the situation uncomfortable.
Anyway, so recently someone close to him died. I felt really bad, because obviously he was in a bad place, with the relationship and now also this. Before this happened, we had a conversation and I told him in a serious manner to just stop talking to me about his relationship, and flirting with me, because it wasn't right and just to take some space.
Over emails, he told me that the person close to him died, and that he didn't have any friends or anything and feels all alone. And how his girlfriend gave him a hug, and than went out according to her earlier plans. He just sounded really bad, and of course I was worried, so I spoke to him, tried to cheer him up and told him I'd pray for him. Towards the end, he sort of sounded a bit better, and than jokingly made a flirty comment about how I should come over. I let is slide, and said goodbye and to take care.
Anyway, I felt really bad that his girlfriend would just leave him like that. And the next day, she seemed completely normal when she was talking to people, like nothing was wrong. It sort of made me think, that no matter what they feel about each other, there is a thing called humanity? She should have been there for him right?
And than I thought ... he must have done something for her to hate him this much? But either way, how can someone act like that at the face of death? So than I thought .. what if he lied? Okay, I'm being totally vain and paranoid, thinking he would make up something like that. But .. well guys are arseholes aren't they? And how convenient that this happened shortly after I told him that we need some space?
Ugh. I'm just so so frustrated and pissed off. Because he said that he spoke about how bad things are with her, and she said she isn't buying into his shit, and that she didn't feel guilty for leaving him that day. And I'm like .. okay, if things are this bad, they really should part their ways. So they are financially dependent, but that doesn't mean they have to be in a relationship where they can't even stand each other?
Now I just feel like I can't even trust him. And he's put me in a bad situation, where of course I feel bad for him, and feel like as his friend I should be there for him. But theres only so much I can do. And shouldn't she be doing this for him?
Ughhhh. I just feel like I'm being dragged around in their bullshit. I really don't know what to do. How do you console someone in those situations anyway? And it feels like (from his recent messages) that its less about who he lost, and more about how shit he feels and how shit she is treating him.
I hate when my guy friends push the friendship forcefully to be a little bit more, even slightly. When they know where I stand about these things.
HELP! I just don't know what to do .. I don't want to say anything without any real proof, or say something to him when he might actually be in a really bad place. But I also can't handle being dragged in between them anymore.
I guess men and women really just can't be friends.