lil-bee: the randomizer

What I've been doing / done!
Monday, June 24, 2013 | 10:56 pm | Comment ⇢
So I finally managed to upload all the photographs from the past few days :D phew! Other than that, I've been cleaning mum's room, meeting up people, having feminist arguments on twitter [yeah I'm on a feminist-economics rage currently 8-)], meeting some friends, going to inspirational, passionate & emotional lectures [well just the one, after the previous ones in May, for Professor Standing's inaugural lecture where he spoke about the precariat class], etc.

I also started work on my dissertation! I've currently got it divided up into 6 sections I REALLY hope I can read up on, get data & manage to fit them all in within 10'000 words. I know some of you are rolling your eyes at me being one of those people moaning about going over words, and I used to be you till I realised I'm one of those people! Except I don't moan, well I do, internally, and get a bit too attached to my work and cutting my works really hurts LOL. I honestly think these assignments are too short, given the question and scope of analysis and research they expect us to do!

For one of my assignments I was really stressing about, I ended up with 8'000 words for a 3'000 word essay :O cutting those words was torture, because everything seemed important! And whats worse, I got a few marks off a First because the tutor was annoyed I didn't develop my ideas more in-depth & I'm like DUDE, these are just too many aspects to look at & not enough words. Ugh. Anyway.

So yeah, I've been sorting out the plan and proposal BRIEFLY and already its eaten up around 1000-2000 words -_____- I suspect my dissertation will easily end up being 20'000 words and then I'll get all angst-y trying to cut it down to 10. And the more I read, the more I want to include, even though I know I don't have the time or space to look at them all.

I'm still going to keep them around though! I think this will be a good topic to expand on for a PhD thesis, rather than do one of the many other topics I've been getting hype over and jotting down!

Life of an academic is calling out to me LOL. Except I don't think I'll make a good teacher because I don't really like people / tolerate them in the long run & also because I don't like people disagreeing with my view haha. But I don't want them to blindly accept them either, but be passionate and agree with me because they know and believe in what I believe in to be true 8-)

ANYHOO. Parents are back, safe and sound Alhamdullilah. I will forever hate* my parents for not procreating and giving me more siblings so I wasn't so codependent on them *SIGH*. Then again, I'm really competitive so I think if my older sister was still alive, we'd be getting into some epic fights haha. I always wanted a brother though, so that would have been cool (any girlfriends he'd have would never be good enough though).

What else? OH marriage. Ugh, all the sexism and double standards in Asian societies has really been pissing me off and putting me off. My idiotic behaviour regarding Mr A is also pissing me off (yes, I'm slowly coming back, but I'm not overly confident & know I'll probably go all gaga if I'm around him). I'll elaborate at some point maybe, what sexist factors are annoying me, but for right now I'm just angry at being made to feel less worthy than an equal man just because I have a vagina. And also at all the proposals coming my way from Canada. Seriously, I love Canada but I'll NEVER.LIVE.THERE (okay of course if Allah SWT wills it and it is for the best, no arguments / what He wants will happen). I personally don't wanna go there.

Why? Because its SO EASY living in London as a Muslim. SO EASY. We have halal food in abundance (shut up, this is a important factor to me .. which reminds me, I haven't touched my weight loss goal yet LOL), mosques pretty much everywhere, easy blending in with other hijabis and muslimahs, etc, etc. And this is a generalisation, but I've felt and experienced a stronger spiritual and practical Muslim identity here than in Canada. And I want to raise my future kids (inshAllah) in this environment. Of course there are good Muslims in Canada, but its damn hard. Its just easier to be Muslim in this country from my time spent in both places. And yes, if Allah wills, He can guide and strengthen the imaan of anyone, anywhere. And my kids could go astray in this place (Allah forbid) but the least I could do is give them a good chance of minimal distractions and temptations right? Also, 88% of the guys from Canada all do dodgy stuff on the side, like drink, etc. I don't want to take that risk. Yes, Muslims in the UK do dodgy things too, but like I said, I felt like the Islamic Identity is stronger and easier here ... so I just really don't want to go there.

And because society is sexist, me as a girl, is expected to prance my way to Canada, forgoing my family, friends, and work, while a guy in this position would LAUGH at the mere thought of reallocation. So yeah, fuck Canada.

YAY feminism. Or maybe its individualism. I don't know, because I'm not feeling very generous towards the sexism reproducing, bigger-than-some-guys-sexist Asian Aunties .. so yeah.

Thats what I've been doing / done!  

On Tuesday, June 25, 2013, Blogger Ghadeer wrote:

⇢ I felt a stronger sense of Muslim identity living in London than I do now in Dubai! So I totally see where you're coming from...
Good luck with the dissertation (summarizing really does suck)

On Tuesday, June 25, 2013, Blogger lil-bee wrote:

⇢ There's this theory we studied in my Forced Migration course, well I suppose its common sense, but it was basically how people have more of an identity & a sense of defence / strength when that identity is attacked or threatened, which is why I suppose Bengalis are more patriotic here than in Bangladesh :O

Maybe because Muslims aren't really under threat in Dubai, its less of an identity thing .. and maybe because Canada is too nice, having a Muslim identity is less of an issue? :P I don't know man ... all I know is that I actually lost weight when I stayed in Canada for a while because there were no halal restaurants! *gasp*

Though that being said, I have thought about moving to a Muslim country, maybe in the Gulf because its a mix of West & East, idk. Recently being Muslim in London has been a bit scary :/

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