lil-bee: the randomizer

Old Habits
Monday, April 22, 2013 | 11:31 pm | Comment ⇢
Don't die.

As usual, I've wasted around a week, lolling about & not doing my essays. And now, from tomorrow, I'll literally have a day each to do 3'000 word essays, 4 essays in by Friday. I haven't even started them. Shit. I always do this, freak out at night, promise myself I'll do it tomorrow and forget about it the next morning. I'm REALLY hoping it won't be as bad as last year when I had to do 5 essays IN A DAY, but if I don't get a move on, I know thats exactly what I'll end up having to do. I'm more than willing to bet the same will happen during exams, except I really REALLY can't afford to cram / learn mere hours before my exam, as I have done my whole life. Masters just doesn't roll that way. And again, instead of doing the work, I'm back on Blogger, faffing about. I know I probably won't get anything done today, so I'm going to force myself to pick questions for the next four essays (I know, I haven't even PICKED ugh), and sort out their Bibliographies (Harvard referencing is a bitch that takes forever to die) ... hopefully by tonight. I'm guessing I'll have to force myself to do all nighters, but since thats when I start getting my panic attacks, I really don't know how that will work out. I keep telling myself I can do it (and Alhamdullilah I can, cos I've done it before) but still freak out that I can't .. and worry that I can't do it in terms of actually doing the work / on time, rather than capability. Ugh, such a mess.

I hate coursework. I hate studying. I hate having to 'work' and I hate having high ambitions in life that require it. I hate that I haven't / can't / probably won't ever put in the work I need to get it. 

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