lil-bee: the randomizer

Learn your Life
Wednesday, April 03, 2013 | 5:55 pm | Comment ⇢
I think many of us (myself included) are severely lacking in the knowledge of self and general self awareness. In who we are, what we want, what we feel, what we think, etc. But this knowledge is crucial for us to live the life we want and need to live. Otherwise we're left wasting time and resources trying to make things right when they weren't what we needed to fit into the puzzle to begin with, and this can lead to frustration, anger, disappointment and giving up.

I suffer from migraines (no, they aren't just a headache!), a chronic disease. Alhamdullilah it could, and has been, be much much worse. I've suffered from migraines since childhood (thanks mum) but they weren't weren't severe so I guess I didn't really pay attention to them. I'd take some pills, go stay in the dark for a day and it would be fine. However, my migraines got really bad last year and ... well lets not get into that. I was getting lots of random physical symptoms and because of my medical history (I was misdiagnosed as having epilepsy as a child and was put on anti-epileptics for a few years) the doctors did a heap of tests (my MRI was particularly scary) and so I spent the few months of my final year sort of freaking out.

After all these tests though, they found out that it was my migraines that were making me feel this way. Add my anxiety and all my symptoms suddenly started to make sense to me. I started reading up more into anxiety disorders, panic attacks, migraines, and their associated physical affects. I found some very useful resources from fellow sufferers and it really helped me be more aware of my issues, triggers and how to tackle them. Being a paranoid hypochondriac with spoonfuls of procrastination, I spent a lot of time doing research and reading about different treatment options, side effects (not very helpful ha), cases of different people, etc. But at the end of the day, all of this combined made me very aware of the problems I was facing and left me better equipped at dealing with them.

And now, a year later, with more knowledge and visits to the GP than the rest of my life combined, I felt confident in choosing something best for me. Sure I didn't have the medical training of my GP, but I sure as hell knew about me and my issues better than her. We worked together and found a solution that fit my puzzle.

Now you're thinking about why I'm yapping away about this to you (hopefully medically healthy). Its because all this taught me the importance of being aware of yourself in all aspects of life. In your religion, in your studies, in your thoughts and emotions, your friendships and relationships, everything. Be aware of yourself, accept your differences and mould the puzzles of your life yourself, instead of trying to find pieces to fit it. Will that make your life perfect? No, probably not. But it will make it a lot more easier to deal with things when you know yourself and know the best way for YOU to deal with it.

My migraines, my anxiety & episodes of derealization .. they are all part of me. I think about how all these different parts come together in an equation, the processes and the outcomes .. and to be aware of how they can work, its kind of pretty amazing and liberating. 

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