lil-bee: the randomizer

Letting It Go
Monday, August 01, 2011 | 12:08 am | Comment ⇢
Happy happy happy Ramadan :)

My friend was asking me why I'm saying Ramadan Mubarak when its not exactly a happy occasion like Eid .. and I said its because Ramadan is a wonderful gift from Allah where we get the chance to redeem ourselves :D

Anyway, so I've been thinking about a lot of things, and examining myself as a human being. And wow, I suck. Like I'm a mahussive bitch. And yeah okay, it might be a human thing to do .. but our purpose in life is to strive to become better human beings and being a bitch (while it may be amusing / make sense because people kinda suck) is not part of that.

Of course I'm not saying I'll wake up and become a holy saint (if only!) but its a start right? I've got a friend (she isn't Muslim) and she's amazing mashAllah .. like she never thinks or talks bad about people. Even people who annoy her, she never ever ever talks about them. And I wish I can be like her.

Like okay, obviously if someone does something that pisses me off, etc .. I'll vent. But I feel like I don't need to involve them as people in it. Like I can be like what A did is bad, instead of thinking / saying that A is bad.

Anyway, lets not get into how I'm a bad person / Muslim (because I am still cocky extraordinaire ;P) and into the point of this post.

When asking forgiveness from Allah, I thought about all the bad things I've done / said / thought about other people and how it might have / would have hurt them. And than I thought about how arrogant it was of me, to hurt Allah's creation. Like, who do I think I am?!

And hurting others is very no no in Islam .. and so I've apologised to a lot of people. People I dislike / won't associate myself with .. but still I've apologised. And I truly do mean it. And I really hope that they accept my apologies .. because if they don't .. than I don't think I'll be able to redeem myself :(

Like I had a friend, and we don't talk anymore. And I feel like its her fault. And we've both said and done things that have hurt us. And even though I'd still rather not go back to being all chatty chatty, I do hope that she forgives me for hurting her. Even though okay, it wasn't really my fault to begin with, the point is .. I still did hurt it. Its not up to me to decide who does or doesn't deserve to be hurt. And no matter how much you 'hate' or dislike someone .. to hurt another human being, like .. I feel like its not the same as pissing someone off, or doing something to make them angry or annoyed. Hurt is more raw I think, more deep.

And even if she (and the others I've hurt, intentionally or otherwise) forgets about it in the long run, the point is .. I still hurt her soul at one point of her life. I've left that scratch mark there you see .. I don't know what I can do to erase the pain, than to say that I'm sorry. I don't know what I can do to make them forgive me .. like obviously you can't MAKE them forgive you for hurting them. And if they don't .. what will I say to Allah? :O

Gosh. This post was supposed to be small and sweet, and its ended up being mahussive :( and now I feel bad and in despair :O

Anyway. What I wanted to say was that its quite easy to ask for forgiveness, and to truly be sorry for what you've done. The harder part is to forgive people yourselves .. and to just let things go. Don't you think?

Anyone got tips on how to forgive people? o.O

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