lil-bee: the randomizer

Alterered or broken?
Sunday, May 15, 2011 | 12:09 am | Comment ⇢
So I was reading this post on a blog I follow and it was talking about how people's stories change with them as time goes on and it got me thinking ..

I always think back to my ex and regret the things I've said and done and felt. I think about people I mingled with after said ex and things that annoy me about them. And than I realized, I've changed. Is it for the good or for the bad? Was it an inevitable part of growing up or have I been broken?

Recently I've been thinking about dating and games that people play. And I've found myself shaking my head in distaste, because I'd much rather be open and honest than go around in circles like I'm still in secondary school. I don't think I've completely broken to wanting to talk about feelings and what not (thankfully) but I've most definitely changed from before X. Before X, I used to be one of the players in that dating game. Most of the time I'd win. And than X came waltzing into my life and after a while I changed my gaming ways to accommodate him. And than it went downhill.

Anyhow, this post isn't about how X broke me. More of a self reflection that I've changed and now dislike the things I used to do. Not in me, I wish I was still whole pre-X, but now that I'm not and other people are still playing, its really started to annoy me. I wish it didn't.

Because here is the thing. Its called the dating GAME. People aren't straightforward no matter how much they claim to be. So really, all we can do is suck it up and keep on playing. Till we win the game or reach a forfeit and can both stop playing each other and just enjoy what we have.

As for me? I have to start playing the game. And learn to love and have pride in it again.

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