With the bad
Tuesday, April 02, 2013 | 5:43 pm | Comment ⇢
Comes the good.
Sometimes bad things happen so that we can be steered to good. Sometimes bad things happen to save us from more bad things.
We don't know. We can't know. The only thing we can do is try to ride out the bad with faith that inshAllah all will be well.
Sometimes ... a lot of the times, thats easier said after the fact, than done. Especially when you're freaking out, hyperventilating, having trouble breaking and going through constant panic attacks during the bad thing(s).
And right at your breaking point, things flip. And you're left thinking, subhanAllah.
Sometimes bad things happen so that we can be steered to good. Sometimes bad things happen to save us from more bad things.
We don't know. We can't know. The only thing we can do is try to ride out the bad with faith that inshAllah all will be well.
Sometimes ... a lot of the times, thats easier said after the fact, than done. Especially when you're freaking out, hyperventilating, having trouble breaking and going through constant panic attacks during the bad thing(s).
And right at your breaking point, things flip. And you're left thinking, subhanAllah.
Am I a drug junkie?
Thursday, March 14, 2013 | 10:19 pm | Comment ⇢
I went to see a learning advisor the other day for help with my lack of attention / focus / motivation. I really feel that I have a problem with ADD or something and hoped she could confirm it / pass me on to the qualified psychologist and get me some help (aka drugs i.e ritalin .. or whatever).
First 5 minutes or so was spent with her asking me if I was mixed race, before shaking her head in disbelief and saying no way was I a full Bengali (cos I'm light? :S), am I sure I'm not part Arab or white or Chinese or something, etc, etc and do I get it a lot, etc. As entertaining as it was initially, I just wanted her to move on to the assessment / screening .. but this was to my disappointment. After asking me a bunch of questions, the answers to which I knew I could give a certain way to ensure I got the ADD label (I didn't though), she said I was just a typical student, thought I might have some attention issues but I should work harder.
I left her office feeling really .. lost. I know every student gets lazy / procrastinates, etc. but I feel like its SO MUCH WORSE for me. Like I KNOW what I need to do. I know I can do it (I've proven myself countless times in the past) .. I just don't do it. And it keeps me up at night and makes me cry because I know what the result of not doing the work is .. and I know its just not fair on my parents, or on me. I cry because I know all this, but I just don't / can't do anything about it?
I've always had this issue but Alhamdullilah I have the brains so it didn't really affect me A LOT. I'd get -As / +Bs, etc and my mum would get annoyed because she knew I got it because I didn't work hard. But that was back in school and college. Now at university, I can't just coast my way through my degree .. well it worked till my second year .. but then it got real tough and I just couldn't cope with all the pressure. I don't find the material hard, I just find it impossible to sit down and do the work. I felt like the advisor took that as a bias against me because its like she was insinuating that if I had a learning difficulty, I wouldn't be so good in learning?
Like I said, I felt really lost. I felt like the system almost failed me, because I know that no matter how hard I try, I just don't focus and work. And now, because I couldn't get help in the official way, I feel like I need to go in another route and buy the drugs off a dealer because I just can't cope with it on my own :(
First 5 minutes or so was spent with her asking me if I was mixed race, before shaking her head in disbelief and saying no way was I a full Bengali (cos I'm light? :S), am I sure I'm not part Arab or white or Chinese or something, etc, etc and do I get it a lot, etc. As entertaining as it was initially, I just wanted her to move on to the assessment / screening .. but this was to my disappointment. After asking me a bunch of questions, the answers to which I knew I could give a certain way to ensure I got the ADD label (I didn't though), she said I was just a typical student, thought I might have some attention issues but I should work harder.
I left her office feeling really .. lost. I know every student gets lazy / procrastinates, etc. but I feel like its SO MUCH WORSE for me. Like I KNOW what I need to do. I know I can do it (I've proven myself countless times in the past) .. I just don't do it. And it keeps me up at night and makes me cry because I know what the result of not doing the work is .. and I know its just not fair on my parents, or on me. I cry because I know all this, but I just don't / can't do anything about it?
I've always had this issue but Alhamdullilah I have the brains so it didn't really affect me A LOT. I'd get -As / +Bs, etc and my mum would get annoyed because she knew I got it because I didn't work hard. But that was back in school and college. Now at university, I can't just coast my way through my degree .. well it worked till my second year .. but then it got real tough and I just couldn't cope with all the pressure. I don't find the material hard, I just find it impossible to sit down and do the work. I felt like the advisor took that as a bias against me because its like she was insinuating that if I had a learning difficulty, I wouldn't be so good in learning?
Like I said, I felt really lost. I felt like the system almost failed me, because I know that no matter how hard I try, I just don't focus and work. And now, because I couldn't get help in the official way, I feel like I need to go in another route and buy the drugs off a dealer because I just can't cope with it on my own :(
