Edit: This was about a post made on loveinshallah.com. Definitely check out the responses made, both in comments and subsequent posts, regarding it. They are more eloquent than my anger fuelled swear fest post that follows.

1. Compromise. You don't have no rights. He's good on paper? Screw liking him, just say yes!
2. Be perfect in his definition. Aka cook, clean, look beautiful and fuck like a whore, or the other extreme, where you lie still like a hole in the ground.
3. Be a sponge. Listen and soak up everything he and his family says.
4. Fulfil your purpose, roll out children faster than during a 10 minute day break in a Chinese factory full of child-labour.
5. Devote life to husband, family & children. Ensure socialising commodity-master roles to your daughters and sons.

SUCCESS.

I swear, this article would have had me rolling my eyes till they popped off if it wasn't met with similar calls of dismay from fellow readers & this swift old-time rebuttal from a regular contributor. There was this one line in the article highlighting the unfortunate reality faced by many women in traditional cultures:

An arranged marriage is where a guy gets a girl he would never have a shot with in real life.

He said it was a joke but I'm inclined to say that this is the mentality and reality for many. Real life 'superficial' choices means partnerships are made in a more or less equal basis. Arranged marriages? This scale is skewed with weight put on the guy's side of things.

I have NO problem with people's preferences. Nor do I agree with a mono-feminist view of questioning every single male preference. I want a husband I'm attracted to. I'm touted as a strong independent woman but when a guy does it, he's automatically chauvinistic? No. I'm all about EQUALITY. Not unfair priority given to women to make up for the many years of oppression. Two wrongs don't make a right.

What I DO have a problem with is the universal acceptance, indeed even the expectation, that men (perhaps unsuitable men) with have high standards and yet these standards are ridiculed if they belong to a woman. I am so fed up with this double standard (or actually, he can have standards & I'm shameless for even dreaming of ANY) bullshit, and I haven't even fully been exposed to it (much) yet.

I don't think ANY party should have unrealistic demands. Yes, this isn't PC but now that I'm in my full fat post Masters glory, I'm not going to go out looking for Prince Charming because understandably he'll be Prince Chomping (down on food). While most will agree that I'm being sensible, these same people go looking for the tallest, fairest, prettiest daughters for their Shrek-like sons. Why is that acceptable?!

If a good looking girl decides to go looking only for a good looking guy (which okay is kind of stupid to be so one-dimensional but whatever her prerogative), why is she labelled to be superficial and fussy, when a good looking guy doesn't even have to voice a similar demand?

Why are we limiting our daughters, socialising compromise and normalising this sub-to-men inequality? We need to promote equality and self-love for both our genders, teaching them to respect and treat each other as equals. Not teaching our girls that the logical step is to drop all personal choice for the first doctor (bald or not, but thats another story for another day!) that comes their way.

Dear guys who cite the Prophet's amazing wives (may Allah be pleased with them) as ideal role models for us, before you expect us to be the same, examine WHO they had as their husband. If potential-husbands-with-huge-ass-requirement-lists had even a quarter of the qualities of the Prophet as a husband, wives would be more than happy to try and be like their ideals.

I am so ready to impart my bitchy-self-lovin to my future daughters. Who I'll probably adopt and raise on me own, if my own mother's eye-rolling over my recent how-can-I-marry-a-Bengali-if-I'm-not-attracted-to-them rant is any indication of my future prospects.

//le sigh.


PS - I'm not back-back. I still have a paper to write (not for university, but kind of & also maybe for publication) and jobs to do before I'm off to Sri Lanka.

PPS - Taiwan was AMAZE. The people I went with, complete opposites - asscunts. No seriously, I know I kind of swear a lot and hate many people, but I don't think I ever experienced such levels of anger / hurt / astonishment with no ounce of my usual 'I know I'm hatin cos I'm an irrational bitchy irritant cow' self-knowledge.

⇢ Preach, sista!

⇢ @Ghadeer: I plan to, starting with my sons and daughters inshAllah :)

PS - read your recent article RE: Ashura. Reminds me I need to write up my long waiting post on that & Ahlulbayt.tv (your title was a reference to a documentary they have no?). Hope you've been well :)

⇢ You were always straight to the point and true.

I got engaged.