My mum went to this wedding (yes ANOTHER one .. God) and when she came back, she was telling me who went. She inevitably HAD to mention The Accountant. I don't know why she does this to me, she's supposed to be my MOTHER, not some taunting Indian-Serial-Villain-Aunty. I was prepared for it so the whole time I tried to keep my facial reaction on check & when she mentioned The Accountant, I had to pinch my hand, act nonchalant and carry on conversing. I don't even know what the point of this exercise is. Either she doesn't know the affect he has on me (which is unlikely cos I sat and planned on how to seduce him with her and why would I want to seduce someone unless I really wanted them?) or she wants mention of him to kickstart me on losing what she thinks is / was holding him back: my weight / my scarf. I am firmly trying to convince myself its because he's already involved .. in a secret relationship .. with a MAN. Whatever I need to help me sleep at night right?

No wonder this is half our deen. This shit is complex and overwhelming .. and thats before the actual marriage is done. Apparently the actual institution is MUCH more harder. Well, at least I'll have the sex to get my mind off things when it gets too difficult. As it stands, I have no reason or incentive to keep going through this shit, this side of the camp.