lil-bee: the randomizer

Repeat Rinse
Thursday, May 19, 2011 | 8:10 pm | Comment ⇢
Nope, not the settings on my washing machine. Instead, the story of my life. This time in particular, applied to my exams and revision, or lack thereof.

I was speaking to a friend about this, about how we always do everything last minute (yup really) and how we say to ourselves that we WILL change for the next exam, year, etc. But it just doesn't happen. Like last week, again I have an exam tomorrow morning and I haven't even touched my revision yet. I'm extremely blessed that God is usually by my side, but I'm thinking my antics will mean that this luck and blessing will soon run out. What then?

*random note .. never got the difference between then and than -.- anyhow*

I should revise. Even now its not too late. But I know I will probably end up repeating what I've done last week, and over the years. Stay up all night, not sleep before the exam, try and push everything at the same time, and hope for the best and for my luck to play out.

Last week, I remember slapping myself with cold water and my palms (to wake myself up) again and again before the exam. I felt disgusting and nauseated and my feet and hands were drenched with sweat (I'm so sexy haha) .. and again I sit here and update my blog about my failures in life, instead of actually revising.

My friend sent me this link about procrastination and I found it really interesting, but not enough to kick my self and get out of the habit. Well, thats the thing. As me and my friend were discussing earlier, this has just been how we revise. Since our GCSEs. Maybe its the whole luck thing getting to my head, making me think that hey, I can manage with a days worth of 'revision'. Maybe the adrenaline pushes my brain to absorb more and chunder all over my exams. Maybe because I've JUST learned everything, I can easily remember.

BUT .. I think its because I'm a lazy SOB and thinking about it, I feel like the less time I spent, the better. Well not really, but thats the psychology behind it. I know I need to do this, that and which for a good grade. My planning is impeccable. But when it comes to execution, I always fall short. I kept telling myself that hey I'll start tomorrow, and delayed this for a whole week and more. And now when I have NOTHING to do, no option but to study, than I do my revision. Pressure or what?

Its stupid, its dangerous. But its also a vicious repeat rinse cycle that I just can't break out of. I hate myself :(

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